I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
