Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
