I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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