It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
