I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize