So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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