This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
