The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
