I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
