you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
