Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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