If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
