Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
