She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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