We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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