she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
