no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
