so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
