I seem to have left my pride at pride
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
