The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
