I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
