Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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