party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize