arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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