How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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