I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
