oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
