The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
