she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
