from now on my penis is your penis
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
