We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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