sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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