I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
