big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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