At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
