He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize