your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
