I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
