my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
