i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
