Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
