How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
