i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
