how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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