mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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