i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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