He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
