youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize