thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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