We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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