no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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