Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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