put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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