i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
