I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
