Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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