lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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