WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
