Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
