I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
