She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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