Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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