Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
