You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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