You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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