your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
