guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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