dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
