You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
