i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
