I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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