Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
