I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
