Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Be still, my beating vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize