Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
