Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
