If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
