I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
