we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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