I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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