Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
